NATIONAL STATIONERY SHOW, NYC, JAVITS CENTER BOOTH #3352

Oh, if only you could have been there!!

Shanghai'd once again!! I certainly must put an end to this poppy-cock but I must secretly say, I'm beginning to enjoy my captivity.

Allow me to explain. My name is eEvilyn Didly Scott and I am an old villain. Once a year, a mad...Sea Circumnavigationist by the name of Jacob Javits, Shanghai's me by way of micky. He will usually, I assume, have one of his mangled minions micky one of my many nightly absinth's. (although, often, I regret to admit, none such "micky" is needed to induce a shanghai)

He usually stows me aboard his sea vessel: "The Beechy Keen II." This year it seems he has acquired a new vessel: "Sea Sea Rider" This fellow disgusts me.

Back to my log:
This is DAY THREE of my abduction. We have just rounded the North Pole where I was able to sketch the above rendition of what mine eye has spied up there. A more disturbing sight, I cannot recall. One thing I could not sketch was the smell. Allow me now: Tequila lime vomit with a touch of "BBQ dipping sauce." I have decided to sell this card around what you call: Christ Mas. (image only)

DAY FOUR
As of today, Captain Javits has informed me that we shall indeed land upon the rusty shores of New, New Amsterdam, or, as you call it:

NEW YORK CITY.

This is perfect because I shall set up a hovel inside

The Javits Center, May 18 - 21 and call it: BOOTH 3352

I invite you to join me there!! I will show you all of my works:

BREAK UP CARDS
HOOK-UP CARDS
JOURNALS
CALLING CARDS IN A TIN !
TEED SHIRTS
COTTON BAGGED, BAGS
and maybe more...

Checkout our stuff: www.myspace.com/eevil_ink_design

HELP ME!

Kickin' it "Old School Seals"

Put the CORE back in CORRESPONDENCE....

Dear friends,

I like writing secret letters to secret people and further, I like secretly sealing each secret letter with a secret wax seal that I have secretly chosen on a once secret website by the name of:



Old School Seals



It is our secret advice that you secretly check out this secret site and buy a few secret seals of your own secret choosing. We even secretly designed a few secret seals for you to secretly purchase.

Viva Oy Vegas!!

Introducing our brand-new Chanukah Card...

.....If one wishes to purchase this "brand-new" card set, why, one would have to email me and plainly ask for a box of these gems. I will show explain all you need to do. Simply email me:

thatonecat@eevil.org

Shalome-out!

eEvil Ink Design Visits New York City

I am writing this note upon a small schooner by the name of "Beachy Keen II." Do not ask what happened to The Beachy Keen the first. That is to say, you can ask, but you wish you hadn't because the answer will threaten your dreams at night as you roll over the wet waves of...plunder, shall we say.

Why am I on this schooner: allow me to explain.

My name is eEvilyn Diddley Scott and I do not trust the aero-spaced vessels that hob knob with the clouds. I feel that it simply is not right. Therefore, I find suspicious shipery exciting- if nothing else. I'm currently east of Brazil, my favorite place upon this great blue cube, (the earth is NOT round). Just a few exciting minutes ago I peered through my telescope...it is a mountainous region- Brazil.

Soon I shall reach my destination:

NEW YORK CITY.

for...

THE NATIONAL STATIONARY SHOW

MAY 16th - 22nd

If you care to contact me, please do. I shall do everything in my powers to meet with you and sign autographs. All you have to do is scower my website for contact information or...I can leave this "link" as they're called:

thatonecat@eevil.org

What ever you type, you can send it there where I shall get a faithful minion to read your message aloud to me as I do not care for advancing technologies, I will not, with first hand, personally participate in electronic mail. I even gesture with my left hand as I dictate my letterdom.

eEnjoy yourselves, where ever you may lie.
Perhaps I'll see you in New York.


_eEvilyn Diddley Scott

The Hollywood Hills Are Made of Kitty Litter

As you may sort of see, or perhaps you've been there and you know, all those hills above Hollywoodland are made of grade "A" kitty litter.

If you have a cat (or cats) and you live in Hollywood, do yourself a favor and save some money by heading up there with a little bag and mine away your time...AND BILLS!

Kitty litter is also good for getting out those pesky oil stains that lay atop your garage floor.

So you see, it's win, win.

Just watch it, though. There are a few mountain Lions up there who come from miles around just to use these golden Kitty Litter Mountains.

eEvil Ink Loves Brazil !! (the addendum)

Long about yesterday, we wanted express our love for Brazil in their native tongue, Portuguese. We're not sure if it's exactly "native," but it happens to be the tongue of Brazil.

Using a hand held device by Radio Shack: "Porto-on-the-Go-Go" We had it translate a message to the people of Brazil yesterday, October 18th, 2006. You can even see the very message below if you dare look down there.
We'd like to make mention that the original English version had a form of coherence- not so when translated back to English. The following is the message that was translated: ENGLISH to PORTUGUESE and back to ENGLISH by the new hand-held "Porto-on-the-Go-Go" by Radio Shack:

"Hello friends of Brazil, as is you today? That way to the library? Can I start a wax there? Tomalies in my low shoes has ones.

Approval, not really...

Since that we were thus mentioned valiantly in one of its wonderful compartments, us we observe many of the strokes in our Web site. We desire to inform it who that one, yes... it is approval to buy some of our merchandise. Moreover, our cards do not come with the plastic, sorry injectors --this can satisfy it (we know that he satisfies customs).

If you to desire to buy our cards or t-shirts and you will not have a customer of PayPal, simply the email me and me it will see to it that you receive that its disires from the heart... Revenge!"

Thus ends the message. What we would like to say now is, "Sorry!!" and,
"Damn you Radio Shack !!"

We sent both versions back to the lab to findout, once and for all, what we actually said.

If you find yourself to be a Portuguese...English to Portuguese Language Scientist, please contact us at once! We need your help. We will even settle for a Lithuanian 3rd grade grammar school teacher.

thatonecat@eevil.org

o projeto da tinta do eEvil ama Brasil!!

Hello amigos de Brasil, como é você hoje? Que maneira à biblioteca?? Posso eu começar uma cera lá? Há uns tomalies em minhas sapatas.

Aprovação, não realmente...

Desde que nós fomos mencionados assim valiantly em um de seus compartimentos maravilhosos, nós observamos muitos das batidas em nosso Web site. Nós desejamos informá-lo que aquela, sim... ele é aprovação para comprar alguma de nossa mercadoria. Além disso, nossos cartões não
vêm com os injetores plásticos, pesarosos--isto pode satisfazê-lo (nós sabemos que satisfaz costumes).

Se você desejar comprar nossos cartões ou os t-shirts e você não tiverem um cliente de PayPal, simplesmente o email mim e mim
ver-lhe-á que você recebe que seus disires do coração...Vingança!

Obrigado Brasil!!

thatonecat@eevil.org

Half-Naked Dummies with Explosive Melons!

The 4th of July is nearing and you know what that means...? Once again, it's the season to watch half naked dummies get blown to pieces on your local news stations! Yeeeeeee-huh?

Heineken? Manniken? Man-I-can?? Man-you-CAN!!!

Pants off, shirt on...
The dummies that I've seen recently- it seems flannel is in!! No need for pants! Shirt? Yes. Don't be silly, dummy. If it's any consolation, forget about fastening or snapping any buttons. Who needs any of that jazz when you're so hot hot hot!!! Don't forget to don your dummy this summer with huge melons! Oh yeah! What a refreshing treat! but don't forget to first riddle them with m-80's!

Keep in mind, if you still have all fingers on July 5th, your 4th wasn't that great...

Those dummies ain't so smart....
Flannel in the summer....pshhhh...

BOOTH 1869

What is BOOTH 1869 ??

This is where eEvil Ink Design shall be May 21-24 at the

New York Stationary Show.

If you so happen to be lurking around the Javits Center in NYC, perhaps you should stop by with sardonic glee.

We await your every creaking half-smile...


eEvilyn Diddley Scott

The Great Strokes / Franz Ferdinand War

I think that Franz Ferdinand won the war for the megaphonic, dirty, riffy sound. The Strokes have come back with a keen new song, which is not bad, but after I hear it I find myself singing "Oh Mandy" by Manilow himself. The Strokes, they play dirty, I tell you.....DIRTY! They've unleashed some heavy psychological warfare to get into our heads and win the battle.

Manilow invented the stupid, catchy melodies that were designed to kill us all. (MWMM) Manilow's Weapons of Mass Mediocrity was a big thing in the 70's. He's an evil wizard, I tell you! And for those Strokes to evoke the specter of Manilow, well, that's just dirty.

I've stayed out of this war in the past and will continue to do so in the future, but I had to stand up and say something here. Leave Manilow's evil...mind fucking tools alone! It's getting all terrorist...turn your heads to them...TURN YOUR HEADS!! Look away...

myspace.com/eevil_ink_design

eEvil Ink @ myspace

I'm just an old villain, as I have put forth as word- and many other suggestions thereof. I was slow to respond to the need of myspace. Frankly, myspace's new owner, Rupert Murdock, scares even me- and I'm a villain!

So we have succumb to the networkings of myspace. We would love for you to join us there and become our...how do you say...friend.

http://www.myspace.com/eevil_ink_design

Thank You Kindly (this time)

-eEvilyn Diddley Scott

YOU ARE WHAT YOU FLY

For you see, I travel ECONOMY.

Boarding a plane to Boston, I stepped as slow as the people before me would allow. I always dig walking through first class. They're mostly overweight and slightly sweaty- and they look at you. I received direct eye contact with one fellow, a large, poofy gent- white with pink fringes around the cheeks- messed-up, dissheveled hair. He looked impatient at the zoo passing before him making their way to the back of the plane. Little did he know, he was due back at six himself...

Another guy in first class had his head buried in Sky magazine. It was hard to see his face because he was so very close to the pages. On closer observation, the guy was an albino. I'm not slamming albinos, I got no beefs, but it struck me.........he probably can never-ever look up into the sky. Naturally, I would assume, if that magazine is about what it says it's about, "the sky" well yes, I bet he would find "Sky magazine" really quite fascinating if not scintilating. It's too bad the sky really isn't filled with cheap, kitschy merchandise as he may be gathering. (emissions are a form of kitschy merchandise...)

Finding a seat and several miscellaneous "BONG BONG BONG" noises later.....and aerial hub-bubs later.... we're offered "refreshments" and what-not. We didn't have a choice on the "what-nots". They handed out these little packets of crackers that were in the shape of little airplanes. Strange, I thought. We're in a plane- and they're feeding us packets of little planes...well hell, I can dig the irony. So I opened the package, ate one..........tastey. I was up to 3, 4 planes at a time. I thought how funny it was that the plane ate me........and I ate it......but then I saw a mountain below me that looked like a boob.

Pop sayers, stop it with the shame, STAND UP! dammit...

I, for one, am sick of those soda sayers correcting me. "Oh, you say pop?" I get that question when I'm lucky.
It beats the usual response, which is a casual yet brutal look of silent disdain, as if I had just come home from a long week of rape and pillage. I am not a barbarian! I will personally admit to barbarian-like thoughts and quirks that I am not aware of but, in my simple defence, I am only a man- but this has little bearing on this protest. Saying "pop" has little to do with my barbaric coding.

Or does it...? That's what those Soda Intellectuals would have you believe!

Nay, Soda-Pop is the complete, albeit, hyphenated term. In our ever growing succinct world population, certain places were taken by soda, yet some chose pop. Both coasts of The United States, North America, decided to say "soda". The midwest portion decided on "pop". Why is this?

For pops sake, maybe it was Elvis? Pop culture...I dunno... It's a colloquialism. The term "soda" on the other hand is so scientific and not colloquial, it simply isn't hip. It defines what it actually is: carbonated water. But is it? My argument to say "pop" rather than "soda" is two-fold.

On the colloquial "pop" side vs. the scientific "soda" account, The "soda" that these pseudo-intellectuals sometimes order is mixed with some form of cornsyrup, caffeine and various other ingredients meant to mask intoxicants or, on it's own, it's meant to give them that boost of energy they've been looking for while they digest heart-stopping lunch (or le tack there-of).

Besides this technicality, part two of my arguemant is simple: it just sounds better. It's cool. It's like, Elvis cool. Sure he might of said soda...but that's not what rings in my ears. Pop is exciting! It pops, literally. Soda is just boring. "Ooo, what kinds of soodas day you have?" Jump ranks man, Elvis would.

Pop: "It's the new soda!" It's phonetically exciting! I guess that's really why it appeals to me. I think this alone is the best argument. The only way I'll stop saying "pop" is when I decide to call it BANG! Now that's a drink!

P.S.
I don't even know where to begin with you "soft drink" sayers...
Soft Drink? What are you thinking?? There's nothing soft about it. You're neither hip NOR scientific. Clearly, you are out of touch with your senses- and that's a sad state, man.

NERDS. they used to be cool, what happened?

THOSE NERDS! They're affecting our movies, man. Haven't you noticed? I swear those tech-nerd-bastards swayed Lucas to the dark side of pure eye candy. Every movie you see now is a game friendly, gadget thrusting commercial for R*dio Sh*ck.

You see, nerds used to be cool when they read books and adjusted their belts and glasses interchangedly. Sure "interchangedly" is not a word- how did you know?
What is a nerd?

NERD: noun, informal: "a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious." (1950's origin unknown)

Basically, when a test was coming up, you knew where to look. This is a cliche... a 1950's - to late 1980's cliche that died around grunge when Kurt Cobain arrived on the scene. Yeah, Elvis Costello broke some barriers but Kurt really killed it.

The nerd took solace in grunge. They found that they could finally wear their granny sweaters and big glasses while stepping out of their mother's basement for Mountain Dew and Fig Newtons without fear of a wedgee. You see, they may even be confused as a popular musician themselves:

"Why yes, I am in a band...I'm also a level 10 elf, but...I also play bass.., my good lady...hmmm"

Okay, they were cool, but now....what redeeming qualities do nerds have today? The 00's nerd is a real let down. They have no attention span. They don't seem to know a whole lot about anything except things they can't explain.

The 00's nerds consume and consume and consume, much like locusts...driving markets in every boring way that glitters. Mediocracy has won the war, with video games! F*cking nerds. Why can't they stand up, sit down and read again? Go back to being nerds, please.
(jerks)
Oh, jerks are really in now...

RIDIN' THE STORM OUT. (where was Rudolf?)

And then Santa awoke from his long blank journey of large empty nowhere.

Someone pulled Santa's memory switch to the "off" position last night.
It happened around 4:00 A.M., he reckens.

It had to have been soon after a few of the elves around the bar were chanting, "CHUG-A-LUG !! CHUG-A-LUG !!"

Santa's last thoughts were, "Hmmm, Rumplemintz does taste like candy canes!"

That's when oblivian crept in to Santa's brain and wiped it clean.

Santa's mouth on this morning was like a dark little cave with a dryed up turtle-head in it.

"Why is there an REO Speedwagen song in my head?"
Santa asked to no one.

Santa couldn't explain it. Santa could only assume that he had briefly joined REO last night in spirit. Or did he drive the sleigh there?

Santa was vexed.

Santa is thinking that this morning, he's going to pee sitting down...

Santa's going to need his hands to cradle his head as he sways it in self disparage...


So, how was your Christmas Party?

buyourcardsatVIRGIN/URBANOUTFITTERS/NEWBURYCOMICS/PULLMYDAISY

AND

http://www.eevil.org

bye!

SHE'S ACTUALLY 26 YEARS OLD!

Tis the season- for office parties. The best thing you can do is sit back and watch as your comrades get wasted. Ecourage them to the copy machine...tell them the boss wants them. Whisper in their ear, "Man, you used to be cool! What happened...?"

If you've been planning on quitting, on the other hand, now is the time. Go out in style- or complete lack thereof. Try to end the night with wedgees for everyone! It may sweeten your memories as you while the time away in jail.

Tell us about your party! (xerox's okay to post)

-eEvilyn

Our Website Decor

Er..hello...we thought we would write to mention that AT LONG LAST we are finally starting to post much needed upgrades to our website. Since we prefer to move in fits and starts, we are posting each section as it is completed, rather than in one big, smooth swoop.

We find this helps us to evade our detractors and distract our enemies.

And it also makes the site seem like a confusing lot of junk to those loyalists who occasionally visit the site to show their support for our eEvil ways.

So, uh, sorry about that. The good news is you will soon be able to buy all kinds of crap that hitherto you have only dreamt of in your wildest imaginations. Depending on just how wild your imaginations are. Maybe you haven't been dreaming of cards. Maybe you're thinking about that weird dream with the monkey and Lisa Kudrow....BUT STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! We say CARDS, CARDS, CARDS!

On sale now at http://www.eevil.org/unholiday.html

HOBO CONTRIBUTIONS

Hmm, well let's see...If it weren't for the hobo, um, did they invent stew? I know they invented the handkerchief tied to a stick thing. Did they invent clowns? The early clown does invoke "hobo" does it not? I'm going to be the first to say, they invented clowns. I must admit, contempt is building inside me for the hobo as I write...

A surly breed, The Hobo. They gave us stew, red with white poke-a-dotted handkerchiefs on a stick and clowns. Yeah, I think that's about it. But, it goes without saying that they were a catalist for better locks and better fences...which they inscribed little symbols on- to help other passing hobos detect suckers, judges, "widers" (widows), church folk and so forth. Yeah, personally I'm a little mixed when it comes to hobos. I wouldn't want to meet the new generation '00's Bush era hobo. I think they have names like "Claws" & "Fist Cramin' Vern" & "Stranglin' Lonnie".

Please feel free to leave your favorite hobo name in the comment section, real or made-up or both.

P.S. The last blog entry, Tina Schlieske's CD release party, I threatened my Minneapolis friends that I would publically skewer them on this blog if they didn't go to the show.

Hence:

THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE HAVE MADE-OUT WITH HOBOS:

Bill K. made-out with known hobo: "Lou Brown Boogers"
Chris H. went to 3rd base with known hobo: "Count Crapula"
Andy A. shared passions with known hobo: "Poop Stains Willie"
Scott N. turned a trick by moonlight with known hobo: "Stink Eye Roy"
John B. rolled around with known hobo: "Goober Face Ed"
Eric H. did it with known hobo: "Hog Mouth Gil"
Page W. canoodled intamately with known hobo: "Fish Crotch Mary" (lucky)

Ta,

BuyourcardsatNewburyComicsVirginMegastoresUrbanOutfittersPullMyDaisy,

-eEvilyn Didley Scott

TINA SCHLIESKE CD RELEASE PARTY

HAS IT BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU'VE SEEN A GOOD
ROCK and or ROLL SHOW?

eEvil Ink is proud to sponsor the release of:

"Slow Burn" by Tina Schlieske
http://www.tinaschlieske.com/

Picture you going to:

TINA SCHLIESKE "Slow Burn" CD RELEASE PARTY

WHEN: SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12 - 2005
WHERE: FIRST AVENUE
DIRECTIONS: It's located...hmmm, I think on 2nd Avenue, no wait! First- it is First Avenue downtown, Minneapolis, (Minnesota) Maybe you can Mapquest it, you lazy no-good-for-nothin..

Put the word to the streets, all of them...

Also, check out this recent MPLS StarrTribune article:
http://www.startribune.com/stories/1371/5717897.html

One last thing, feel free to purchase the "Tina Tees" because they were made by us, eEvil Ink Design.

Now start saving your money, drink it tomorrow.
(me: I do both)

Chowdios!

P.S. To my friends that received the threatening email earlier, I'm not kidding!!

Hey-HEY...! Have fun everyone!

Peace, Love, Joy [and a good stiff drink]

buyourcardsatVirginandUrbanOutfittersBYE!
-eEvilyn Didley Scott

How Many Trains Will It Take??

Don't look so shocked. This is you for the next four months or so...

Sometimes we all have to make plans to go home for the holidays. We are all bound to our holday train tracks, are we not? Perhaps you need to refresh yourself with the train schedules...

* Triptofan Express - Nov. 24th
(we urge you to watch your own caboose on this day, it may mysteriously double in size)

* Magical Gift-Giving-Fatman Express - Dec. 24 & Dec. 25th
Caution: there is so much of this express, they couldn't make all the stops in 1 day. The true story for this train goes something like this: Daddy asked Mommy if he could have you over for a christmas dinner at his new house -- with his new girlfriend, Brenda, who was once his secretary. They worked it out for you. This is just the beginning of your guilty feelings for this holiday. Perhaps you should buy yourself a flask for this trip?

* Chanukuh Express - Dec 25th, this year.
This train is super long and suprisingly runs on one drop of oil, very efficient. Eight days, non-stop- this one! There is a lot of gambling going in the dreidel car. Be sure to bring plenty of chocolate coins, no one wants the other stuff. Try for "GIMEL". But, besides all the fun gambling there comes a lot of guilt. You will find that all these trains run on guilt. Again, a good flask runs about $25 to $35. (I say you splurge for the $40 dollar one)

These are only a few trains that I'm aware of...
There is another. The Festivous Express. I am on board for this one, it's a straight shooter. Invented by Frank Costanza of Queens; it starts Dec 23rd and basically involves telling everyone around the table how they've wronged you through the year and is concluded with a battle by the gleaming metal pole called "Feats of Strength".

Sounds firmiliar...

What train are you looking for??