Friday, January 27, 2006

Pop sayers, stop it with the shame, STAND UP! dammit...

I, for one, am sick of those soda sayers correcting me. "Oh, you say pop?" I get that question when I'm lucky.
It beats the usual response, which is a casual yet brutal look of silent disdain, as if I had just come home from a long week of rape and pillage. I am not a barbarian! I will personally admit to barbarian-like thoughts and quirks that I am not aware of but, in my simple defence, I am only a man- but this has little bearing on this protest. Saying "pop" has little to do with my barbaric coding.

Or does it...? That's what those Soda Intellectuals would have you believe!

Nay, Soda-Pop is the complete, albeit, hyphenated term. In our ever growing succinct world population, certain places were taken by soda, yet some chose pop. Both coasts of The United States, North America, decided to say "soda". The midwest portion decided on "pop". Why is this?

For pops sake, maybe it was Elvis? Pop culture...I dunno... It's a colloquialism. The term "soda" on the other hand is so scientific and not colloquial, it simply isn't hip. It defines what it actually is: carbonated water. But is it? My argument to say "pop" rather than "soda" is two-fold.

On the colloquial "pop" side vs. the scientific "soda" account, The "soda" that these pseudo-intellectuals sometimes order is mixed with some form of cornsyrup, caffeine and various other ingredients meant to mask intoxicants or, on it's own, it's meant to give them that boost of energy they've been looking for while they digest heart-stopping lunch (or le tack there-of).

Besides this technicality, part two of my arguemant is simple: it just sounds better. It's cool. It's like, Elvis cool. Sure he might of said soda...but that's not what rings in my ears. Pop is exciting! It pops, literally. Soda is just boring. "Ooo, what kinds of soodas day you have?" Jump ranks man, Elvis would.

Pop: "It's the new soda!" It's phonetically exciting! I guess that's really why it appeals to me. I think this alone is the best argument. The only way I'll stop saying "pop" is when I decide to call it BANG! Now that's a drink!

I don't even know where to begin with you "soft drink" sayers...
Soft Drink? What are you thinking?? There's nothing soft about it. You're neither hip NOR scientific. Clearly, you are out of touch with your senses- and that's a sad state, man.