Wednesday, October 25, 2006

The Hollywood Hills Are Made of Kitty Litter

As you may sort of see, or perhaps you've been there and you know, all those hills above Hollywoodland are made of grade "A" kitty litter.

If you have a cat (or cats) and you live in Hollywood, do yourself a favor and save some money by heading up there with a little bag and mine away your time...AND BILLS!

Kitty litter is also good for getting out those pesky oil stains that lay atop your garage floor.

So you see, it's win, win.

Just watch it, though. There are a few mountain Lions up there who come from miles around just to use these golden Kitty Litter Mountains.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

eEvil Ink Loves Brazil !! (the addendum)

Long about yesterday, we wanted express our love for Brazil in their native tongue, Portuguese. We're not sure if it's exactly "native," but it happens to be the tongue of Brazil.

Using a hand held device by Radio Shack: "Porto-on-the-Go-Go" We had it translate a message to the people of Brazil yesterday, October 18th, 2006. You can even see the very message below if you dare look down there.
We'd like to make mention that the original English version had a form of coherence- not so when translated back to English. The following is the message that was translated: ENGLISH to PORTUGUESE and back to ENGLISH by the new hand-held "Porto-on-the-Go-Go" by Radio Shack:

"Hello friends of Brazil, as is you today? That way to the library? Can I start a wax there? Tomalies in my low shoes has ones.

Approval, not really...

Since that we were thus mentioned valiantly in one of its wonderful compartments, us we observe many of the strokes in our Web site. We desire to inform it who that one, yes... it is approval to buy some of our merchandise. Moreover, our cards do not come with the plastic, sorry injectors --this can satisfy it (we know that he satisfies customs).

If you to desire to buy our cards or t-shirts and you will not have a customer of PayPal, simply the email me and me it will see to it that you receive that its disires from the heart... Revenge!"

Thus ends the message. What we would like to say now is, "Sorry!!" and,
"Damn you Radio Shack !!"

We sent both versions back to the lab to findout, once and for all, what we actually said.

If you find yourself to be a Portuguese...English to Portuguese Language Scientist, please contact us at once! We need your help. We will even settle for a Lithuanian 3rd grade grammar school teacher.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

o projeto da tinta do eEvil ama Brasil!!

Hello amigos de Brasil, como é você hoje? Que maneira à biblioteca?? Posso eu começar uma cera lá? Há uns tomalies em minhas sapatas.

Aprovação, não realmente...

Desde que nós fomos mencionados assim valiantly em um de seus compartimentos maravilhosos, nós observamos muitos das batidas em nosso Web site. Nós desejamos informá-lo que aquela, sim... ele é aprovação para comprar alguma de nossa mercadoria. Além disso, nossos cartões não
vêm com os injetores plásticos, pesarosos--isto pode satisfazê-lo (nós sabemos que satisfaz costumes).

Se você desejar comprar nossos cartões ou os t-shirts e você não tiverem um cliente de PayPal, simplesmente o email mim e mim
ver-lhe-á que você recebe que seus disires do coração...Vingança!

Obrigado Brasil!!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Half-Naked Dummies with Explosive Melons!

The 4th of July is nearing and you know what that means...? Once again, it's the season to watch half naked dummies get blown to pieces on your local news stations! Yeeeeeee-huh?

Heineken? Manniken? Man-I-can?? Man-you-CAN!!!

Pants off, shirt on...
The dummies that I've seen recently- it seems flannel is in!! No need for pants! Shirt? Yes. Don't be silly, dummy. If it's any consolation, forget about fastening or snapping any buttons. Who needs any of that jazz when you're so hot hot hot!!! Don't forget to don your dummy this summer with huge melons! Oh yeah! What a refreshing treat! but don't forget to first riddle them with m-80's!

Keep in mind, if you still have all fingers on July 5th, your 4th wasn't that great...

Those dummies ain't so smart....
Flannel in the summer....pshhhh...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

BOOTH 1869

What is BOOTH 1869 ??

This is where eEvil Ink Design shall be May 21-24 at the

New York Stationary Show.

If you so happen to be lurking around the Javits Center in NYC, perhaps you should stop by with sardonic glee.

We await your every creaking half-smile...

eEvilyn Diddley Scott

Friday, April 14, 2006

The Great Strokes / Franz Ferdinand War

I think that Franz Ferdinand won the war for the megaphonic, dirty, riffy sound. The Strokes have come back with a keen new song, which is not bad, but after I hear it I find myself singing "Oh Mandy" by Manilow himself. The Strokes, they play dirty, I tell you.....DIRTY! They've unleashed some heavy psychological warfare to get into our heads and win the battle.

Manilow invented the stupid, catchy melodies that were designed to kill us all. (MWMM) Manilow's Weapons of Mass Mediocrity was a big thing in the 70's. He's an evil wizard, I tell you! And for those Strokes to evoke the specter of Manilow, well, that's just dirty.

I've stayed out of this war in the past and will continue to do so in the future, but I had to stand up and say something here. Leave Manilow's evil...mind fucking tools alone! It's getting all terrorist...turn your heads to them...TURN YOUR HEADS!! Look away...

Thursday, April 06, 2006

eEvil Ink @ myspace

I'm just an old villain, as I have put forth as word- and many other suggestions thereof. I was slow to respond to the need of myspace. Frankly, myspace's new owner, Rupert Murdock, scares even me- and I'm a villain!

So we have succumb to the networkings of myspace. We would love for you to join us there and become do you say...friend.

Thank You Kindly (this time)

-eEvilyn Diddley Scott

Saturday, March 04, 2006


For you see, I travel ECONOMY.

Boarding a plane to Boston, I stepped as slow as the people before me would allow. I always dig walking through first class. They're mostly overweight and slightly sweaty- and they look at you. I received direct eye contact with one fellow, a large, poofy gent- white with pink fringes around the cheeks- messed-up, dissheveled hair. He looked impatient at the zoo passing before him making their way to the back of the plane. Little did he know, he was due back at six himself...

Another guy in first class had his head buried in Sky magazine. It was hard to see his face because he was so very close to the pages. On closer observation, the guy was an albino. I'm not slamming albinos, I got no beefs, but it struck me.........he probably can never-ever look up into the sky. Naturally, I would assume, if that magazine is about what it says it's about, "the sky" well yes, I bet he would find "Sky magazine" really quite fascinating if not scintilating. It's too bad the sky really isn't filled with cheap, kitschy merchandise as he may be gathering. (emissions are a form of kitschy merchandise...)

Finding a seat and several miscellaneous "BONG BONG BONG" noises later.....and aerial hub-bubs later.... we're offered "refreshments" and what-not. We didn't have a choice on the "what-nots". They handed out these little packets of crackers that were in the shape of little airplanes. Strange, I thought. We're in a plane- and they're feeding us packets of little planes...well hell, I can dig the irony. So I opened the package, ate one..........tastey. I was up to 3, 4 planes at a time. I thought how funny it was that the plane ate me........and I ate it......but then I saw a mountain below me that looked like a boob.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Pop sayers, stop it with the shame, STAND UP! dammit...

I, for one, am sick of those soda sayers correcting me. "Oh, you say pop?" I get that question when I'm lucky.
It beats the usual response, which is a casual yet brutal look of silent disdain, as if I had just come home from a long week of rape and pillage. I am not a barbarian! I will personally admit to barbarian-like thoughts and quirks that I am not aware of but, in my simple defence, I am only a man- but this has little bearing on this protest. Saying "pop" has little to do with my barbaric coding.

Or does it...? That's what those Soda Intellectuals would have you believe!

Nay, Soda-Pop is the complete, albeit, hyphenated term. In our ever growing succinct world population, certain places were taken by soda, yet some chose pop. Both coasts of The United States, North America, decided to say "soda". The midwest portion decided on "pop". Why is this?

For pops sake, maybe it was Elvis? Pop culture...I dunno... It's a colloquialism. The term "soda" on the other hand is so scientific and not colloquial, it simply isn't hip. It defines what it actually is: carbonated water. But is it? My argument to say "pop" rather than "soda" is two-fold.

On the colloquial "pop" side vs. the scientific "soda" account, The "soda" that these pseudo-intellectuals sometimes order is mixed with some form of cornsyrup, caffeine and various other ingredients meant to mask intoxicants or, on it's own, it's meant to give them that boost of energy they've been looking for while they digest heart-stopping lunch (or le tack there-of).

Besides this technicality, part two of my arguemant is simple: it just sounds better. It's cool. It's like, Elvis cool. Sure he might of said soda...but that's not what rings in my ears. Pop is exciting! It pops, literally. Soda is just boring. "Ooo, what kinds of soodas day you have?" Jump ranks man, Elvis would.

Pop: "It's the new soda!" It's phonetically exciting! I guess that's really why it appeals to me. I think this alone is the best argument. The only way I'll stop saying "pop" is when I decide to call it BANG! Now that's a drink!

I don't even know where to begin with you "soft drink" sayers...
Soft Drink? What are you thinking?? There's nothing soft about it. You're neither hip NOR scientific. Clearly, you are out of touch with your senses- and that's a sad state, man.