Do you get a thrill when you know about something first? and for once it isn't about you and your love life?
yes / no (circle one on your screen with permanent marker)
If you like the cards we carry and you frequent a local shop in your town that you consider "cool", please tell them you personally know about us. Mention our name, tell them our favorite color is black and we like beards made of bees, hiking and papermache elephant-head ashtrays.
If you score us an account and they end up selling our stuff in the store of your choosing, I'll totally back your desperate claims of knowing us- I mean...I'll put it better than that.
I'll make you seem cool and say things like,
"Oh yeah, if it wasn't for________ (fill in your name here with marker) we sure wouldn't be cool. Some say there's a ten mile radius of cool that follows________ (name w/ marker) around at all times. Lot's can't run from______'s (name w/marker) pure cool."
Anyway, go out there and bug people. Okay, so you don't have to mention us to anyone, fine. You can keep our secret as bottled up and repressed in your soul as your secret love for Tony Danza, like that won't give you cancer...
"Topic of Cancer": is cancer ever funny? I think it's funnier than Tony Danza, what do you think?