Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Advantages of the Cape

In a world filled with jackets, coats, and even so-called hoodies, the cape has long been ignored as a choice for keeping off the cold and stepping out in style.

Imagine the entrance you would make at your favorite watering hole if you gave up your trite hipster jacket and exchanged it for a long black cape (hood optional). We believe you would find yourself to be the instant (and profoundly gratified) talk of the joint.

While the fashion-forwardness of the cape is an important consideration, we would also like to point out that the cape also has certain, er, eEvil advantages to other outerwear.

Number one: It's almost impossible for anyone to know what you have under that thing. It is ideal for masking an uncomely handbag or man-bag, a variety of salty snacks, and any other items you might find helpful in making your night (or day) a success, including but not limited to: important business documents, a change of attire, cigarettes, your coin purse, rope, and small furry mammals.

Number two: In addition to masking things, the cape also masks less than flattering aspects of you. Have you recently found that your stomach, behind, or the unwholesome growth on your right arm have started to expand? We say, why waste your time on exercise or ointments, when you can simply hide away your unseemly parts beneath a cape!

Recommended cape accessories include stove-pipe hats, elaborately waxed moustaches, and eEvil Ink t-shirts. A certain amount of chest hair and chutzpah is also suggested.

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