Joining the eEvil Empire

It may surprise some of you to learn that, here at eEvil Ink, we actually do more than sit around and come up with funny cards and crack ourselves up. Yes, there are days like that, but plenty of other days where we have to go around acting like we run a business. Today, we decided we'd finally get our UPC sh*t together. Not that big of a deal really, just a little investment in time and money. The kicker is how much information those little monsters hold and how much they mean to the outside world.

For those of you who don't know your barcodes from your neighborhood bars, a bit of a primer:

UPC stands for universal product code. After you cough up your bucks, you're assigned a manufacturer number, so all the world knows who the hell made that thing you're holding. That's just the first six digits. The next six digits describe what the hell that thing you're holding is.

Now if people were barcoded, we'd all have our parents' manufacturers numbers, as well as a series of six digits that described the key elements about us--we could go around scanning each other and there would be no more mystery in the world. You would never have to say, what the f*ck is wrong with that guy? It'd be written all over his face.

And of course, you'd also know how many of him have been sold and whether or not you should re-order. If he is an eEvil Ink product, the answer of course is, yes, you should re-order and damn it, buy twice as many this time.