Half-Naked Dummies with Explosive Melons!

The 4th of July is nearing and you know what that means...? Once again, it's the season to watch half naked dummies get blown to pieces on your local news stations! Yeeeeeee-huh?

Heineken? Manniken? Man-I-can?? Man-you-CAN!!!

Pants off, shirt on...
The dummies that I've seen recently- it seems flannel is in!! No need for pants! Shirt? Yes. Don't be silly, dummy. If it's any consolation, forget about fastening or snapping any buttons. Who needs any of that jazz when you're so hot hot hot!!! Don't forget to don your dummy this summer with huge melons! Oh yeah! What a refreshing treat! but don't forget to first riddle them with m-80's!

Keep in mind, if you still have all fingers on July 5th, your 4th wasn't that great...

Those dummies ain't so smart....
Flannel in the summer....pshhhh...

BOOTH 1869

What is BOOTH 1869 ??

This is where eEvil Ink Design shall be May 21-24 at the

New York Stationary Show.

If you so happen to be lurking around the Javits Center in NYC, perhaps you should stop by with sardonic glee.

We await your every creaking half-smile...


eEvilyn Diddley Scott

The Great Strokes / Franz Ferdinand War

I think that Franz Ferdinand won the war for the megaphonic, dirty, riffy sound. The Strokes have come back with a keen new song, which is not bad, but after I hear it I find myself singing "Oh Mandy" by Manilow himself. The Strokes, they play dirty, I tell you.....DIRTY! They've unleashed some heavy psychological warfare to get into our heads and win the battle.

Manilow invented the stupid, catchy melodies that were designed to kill us all. (MWMM) Manilow's Weapons of Mass Mediocrity was a big thing in the 70's. He's an evil wizard, I tell you! And for those Strokes to evoke the specter of Manilow, well, that's just dirty.

I've stayed out of this war in the past and will continue to do so in the future, but I had to stand up and say something here. Leave Manilow's evil...mind fucking tools alone! It's getting all terrorist...turn your heads to them...TURN YOUR HEADS!! Look away...

myspace.com/eevil_ink_design

eEvil Ink @ myspace

I'm just an old villain, as I have put forth as word- and many other suggestions thereof. I was slow to respond to the need of myspace. Frankly, myspace's new owner, Rupert Murdock, scares even me- and I'm a villain!

So we have succumb to the networkings of myspace. We would love for you to join us there and become our...how do you say...friend.

http://www.myspace.com/eevil_ink_design

Thank You Kindly (this time)

-eEvilyn Diddley Scott

YOU ARE WHAT YOU FLY

For you see, I travel ECONOMY.

Boarding a plane to Boston, I stepped as slow as the people before me would allow. I always dig walking through first class. They're mostly overweight and slightly sweaty- and they look at you. I received direct eye contact with one fellow, a large, poofy gent- white with pink fringes around the cheeks- messed-up, dissheveled hair. He looked impatient at the zoo passing before him making their way to the back of the plane. Little did he know, he was due back at six himself...

Another guy in first class had his head buried in Sky magazine. It was hard to see his face because he was so very close to the pages. On closer observation, the guy was an albino. I'm not slamming albinos, I got no beefs, but it struck me.........he probably can never-ever look up into the sky. Naturally, I would assume, if that magazine is about what it says it's about, "the sky" well yes, I bet he would find "Sky magazine" really quite fascinating if not scintilating. It's too bad the sky really isn't filled with cheap, kitschy merchandise as he may be gathering. (emissions are a form of kitschy merchandise...)

Finding a seat and several miscellaneous "BONG BONG BONG" noises later.....and aerial hub-bubs later.... we're offered "refreshments" and what-not. We didn't have a choice on the "what-nots". They handed out these little packets of crackers that were in the shape of little airplanes. Strange, I thought. We're in a plane- and they're feeding us packets of little planes...well hell, I can dig the irony. So I opened the package, ate one..........tastey. I was up to 3, 4 planes at a time. I thought how funny it was that the plane ate me........and I ate it......but then I saw a mountain below me that looked like a boob.

Pop sayers, stop it with the shame, STAND UP! dammit...

I, for one, am sick of those soda sayers correcting me. "Oh, you say pop?" I get that question when I'm lucky.
It beats the usual response, which is a casual yet brutal look of silent disdain, as if I had just come home from a long week of rape and pillage. I am not a barbarian! I will personally admit to barbarian-like thoughts and quirks that I am not aware of but, in my simple defence, I am only a man- but this has little bearing on this protest. Saying "pop" has little to do with my barbaric coding.

Or does it...? That's what those Soda Intellectuals would have you believe!

Nay, Soda-Pop is the complete, albeit, hyphenated term. In our ever growing succinct world population, certain places were taken by soda, yet some chose pop. Both coasts of The United States, North America, decided to say "soda". The midwest portion decided on "pop". Why is this?

For pops sake, maybe it was Elvis? Pop culture...I dunno... It's a colloquialism. The term "soda" on the other hand is so scientific and not colloquial, it simply isn't hip. It defines what it actually is: carbonated water. But is it? My argument to say "pop" rather than "soda" is two-fold.

On the colloquial "pop" side vs. the scientific "soda" account, The "soda" that these pseudo-intellectuals sometimes order is mixed with some form of cornsyrup, caffeine and various other ingredients meant to mask intoxicants or, on it's own, it's meant to give them that boost of energy they've been looking for while they digest heart-stopping lunch (or le tack there-of).

Besides this technicality, part two of my arguemant is simple: it just sounds better. It's cool. It's like, Elvis cool. Sure he might of said soda...but that's not what rings in my ears. Pop is exciting! It pops, literally. Soda is just boring. "Ooo, what kinds of soodas day you have?" Jump ranks man, Elvis would.

Pop: "It's the new soda!" It's phonetically exciting! I guess that's really why it appeals to me. I think this alone is the best argument. The only way I'll stop saying "pop" is when I decide to call it BANG! Now that's a drink!

P.S.
I don't even know where to begin with you "soft drink" sayers...
Soft Drink? What are you thinking?? There's nothing soft about it. You're neither hip NOR scientific. Clearly, you are out of touch with your senses- and that's a sad state, man.

NERDS. they used to be cool, what happened?

THOSE NERDS! They're affecting our movies, man. Haven't you noticed? I swear those tech-nerd-bastards swayed Lucas to the dark side of pure eye candy. Every movie you see now is a game friendly, gadget thrusting commercial for R*dio Sh*ck.

You see, nerds used to be cool when they read books and adjusted their belts and glasses interchangedly. Sure "interchangedly" is not a word- how did you know?
What is a nerd?

NERD: noun, informal: "a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious." (1950's origin unknown)

Basically, when a test was coming up, you knew where to look. This is a cliche... a 1950's - to late 1980's cliche that died around grunge when Kurt Cobain arrived on the scene. Yeah, Elvis Costello broke some barriers but Kurt really killed it.

The nerd took solace in grunge. They found that they could finally wear their granny sweaters and big glasses while stepping out of their mother's basement for Mountain Dew and Fig Newtons without fear of a wedgee. You see, they may even be confused as a popular musician themselves:

"Why yes, I am in a band...I'm also a level 10 elf, but...I also play bass.., my good lady...hmmm"

Okay, they were cool, but now....what redeeming qualities do nerds have today? The 00's nerd is a real let down. They have no attention span. They don't seem to know a whole lot about anything except things they can't explain.

The 00's nerds consume and consume and consume, much like locusts...driving markets in every boring way that glitters. Mediocracy has won the war, with video games! F*cking nerds. Why can't they stand up, sit down and read again? Go back to being nerds, please.
(jerks)
Oh, jerks are really in now...

RIDIN' THE STORM OUT. (where was Rudolf?)

And then Santa awoke from his long blank journey of large empty nowhere.

Someone pulled Santa's memory switch to the "off" position last night.
It happened around 4:00 A.M., he reckens.

It had to have been soon after a few of the elves around the bar were chanting, "CHUG-A-LUG !! CHUG-A-LUG !!"

Santa's last thoughts were, "Hmmm, Rumplemintz does taste like candy canes!"

That's when oblivian crept in to Santa's brain and wiped it clean.

Santa's mouth on this morning was like a dark little cave with a dryed up turtle-head in it.

"Why is there an REO Speedwagen song in my head?"
Santa asked to no one.

Santa couldn't explain it. Santa could only assume that he had briefly joined REO last night in spirit. Or did he drive the sleigh there?

Santa was vexed.

Santa is thinking that this morning, he's going to pee sitting down...

Santa's going to need his hands to cradle his head as he sways it in self disparage...


So, how was your Christmas Party?

buyourcardsatVIRGIN/URBANOUTFITTERS/NEWBURYCOMICS/PULLMYDAISY

AND

http://www.eevil.org

bye!

SHE'S ACTUALLY 26 YEARS OLD!

Tis the season- for office parties. The best thing you can do is sit back and watch as your comrades get wasted. Ecourage them to the copy machine...tell them the boss wants them. Whisper in their ear, "Man, you used to be cool! What happened...?"

If you've been planning on quitting, on the other hand, now is the time. Go out in style- or complete lack thereof. Try to end the night with wedgees for everyone! It may sweeten your memories as you while the time away in jail.

Tell us about your party! (xerox's okay to post)

-eEvilyn

Our Website Decor

Er..hello...we thought we would write to mention that AT LONG LAST we are finally starting to post much needed upgrades to our website. Since we prefer to move in fits and starts, we are posting each section as it is completed, rather than in one big, smooth swoop.

We find this helps us to evade our detractors and distract our enemies.

And it also makes the site seem like a confusing lot of junk to those loyalists who occasionally visit the site to show their support for our eEvil ways.

So, uh, sorry about that. The good news is you will soon be able to buy all kinds of crap that hitherto you have only dreamt of in your wildest imaginations. Depending on just how wild your imaginations are. Maybe you haven't been dreaming of cards. Maybe you're thinking about that weird dream with the monkey and Lisa Kudrow....BUT STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! We say CARDS, CARDS, CARDS!

On sale now at http://www.eevil.org/unholiday.html

HOBO CONTRIBUTIONS

Hmm, well let's see...If it weren't for the hobo, um, did they invent stew? I know they invented the handkerchief tied to a stick thing. Did they invent clowns? The early clown does invoke "hobo" does it not? I'm going to be the first to say, they invented clowns. I must admit, contempt is building inside me for the hobo as I write...

A surly breed, The Hobo. They gave us stew, red with white poke-a-dotted handkerchiefs on a stick and clowns. Yeah, I think that's about it. But, it goes without saying that they were a catalist for better locks and better fences...which they inscribed little symbols on- to help other passing hobos detect suckers, judges, "widers" (widows), church folk and so forth. Yeah, personally I'm a little mixed when it comes to hobos. I wouldn't want to meet the new generation '00's Bush era hobo. I think they have names like "Claws" & "Fist Cramin' Vern" & "Stranglin' Lonnie".

Please feel free to leave your favorite hobo name in the comment section, real or made-up or both.

P.S. The last blog entry, Tina Schlieske's CD release party, I threatened my Minneapolis friends that I would publically skewer them on this blog if they didn't go to the show.

Hence:

THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE HAVE MADE-OUT WITH HOBOS:

Bill K. made-out with known hobo: "Lou Brown Boogers"
Chris H. went to 3rd base with known hobo: "Count Crapula"
Andy A. shared passions with known hobo: "Poop Stains Willie"
Scott N. turned a trick by moonlight with known hobo: "Stink Eye Roy"
John B. rolled around with known hobo: "Goober Face Ed"
Eric H. did it with known hobo: "Hog Mouth Gil"
Page W. canoodled intamately with known hobo: "Fish Crotch Mary" (lucky)

Ta,

BuyourcardsatNewburyComicsVirginMegastoresUrbanOutfittersPullMyDaisy,

-eEvilyn Didley Scott

TINA SCHLIESKE CD RELEASE PARTY

HAS IT BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU'VE SEEN A GOOD
ROCK and or ROLL SHOW?

eEvil Ink is proud to sponsor the release of:

"Slow Burn" by Tina Schlieske
http://www.tinaschlieske.com/

Picture you going to:

TINA SCHLIESKE "Slow Burn" CD RELEASE PARTY

WHEN: SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12 - 2005
WHERE: FIRST AVENUE
DIRECTIONS: It's located...hmmm, I think on 2nd Avenue, no wait! First- it is First Avenue downtown, Minneapolis, (Minnesota) Maybe you can Mapquest it, you lazy no-good-for-nothin..

Put the word to the streets, all of them...

Also, check out this recent MPLS StarrTribune article:
http://www.startribune.com/stories/1371/5717897.html

One last thing, feel free to purchase the "Tina Tees" because they were made by us, eEvil Ink Design.

Now start saving your money, drink it tomorrow.
(me: I do both)

Chowdios!

P.S. To my friends that received the threatening email earlier, I'm not kidding!!

Hey-HEY...! Have fun everyone!

Peace, Love, Joy [and a good stiff drink]

buyourcardsatVirginandUrbanOutfittersBYE!
-eEvilyn Didley Scott

How Many Trains Will It Take??

Don't look so shocked. This is you for the next four months or so...

Sometimes we all have to make plans to go home for the holidays. We are all bound to our holday train tracks, are we not? Perhaps you need to refresh yourself with the train schedules...

* Triptofan Express - Nov. 24th
(we urge you to watch your own caboose on this day, it may mysteriously double in size)

* Magical Gift-Giving-Fatman Express - Dec. 24 & Dec. 25th
Caution: there is so much of this express, they couldn't make all the stops in 1 day. The true story for this train goes something like this: Daddy asked Mommy if he could have you over for a christmas dinner at his new house -- with his new girlfriend, Brenda, who was once his secretary. They worked it out for you. This is just the beginning of your guilty feelings for this holiday. Perhaps you should buy yourself a flask for this trip?

* Chanukuh Express - Dec 25th, this year.
This train is super long and suprisingly runs on one drop of oil, very efficient. Eight days, non-stop- this one! There is a lot of gambling going in the dreidel car. Be sure to bring plenty of chocolate coins, no one wants the other stuff. Try for "GIMEL". But, besides all the fun gambling there comes a lot of guilt. You will find that all these trains run on guilt. Again, a good flask runs about $25 to $35. (I say you splurge for the $40 dollar one)

These are only a few trains that I'm aware of...
There is another. The Festivous Express. I am on board for this one, it's a straight shooter. Invented by Frank Costanza of Queens; it starts Dec 23rd and basically involves telling everyone around the table how they've wronged you through the year and is concluded with a battle by the gleaming metal pole called "Feats of Strength".

Sounds firmiliar...

What train are you looking for??

BOO SHIT !!

That's right. How can you be mad at getting your pumpkin smashed??

Like you've never done it before... Oh, um... okay, if you have never-ever had the awsome delight of smashing pumpkins before, it's not too late! I bet your neighbor folk are somewhat hoping that someone would smash their pumpkins. Worrying half the night away in a fright, "What's wrong with us? Why did they smash everybody else's pumpkins but ours? What's wrong with us?" They'll question out loud, "Why, why, WHY??"

Would you like to see them in a sad march to the trash can, Jack-o-Lantern in hands, they let go and...thud, no smash? Do you know how that feels? It's like my dog with no nose, how does he smell? Awful.

I myself, eEvilyn Didley Scott, once had a pumpkin on my stoop for 103 executive days. It turned into goo- then was ingested by a tongue lashing like no other. The neighbors cat, Mr. Pickles, could do such things. Anyway, this had to of been back in 1909, I believe. Mr. Pickles sits upon my mantle now. He died because no one smashed my pumpkin...Is this why I am devoted to a life of eEvil?? You'll never know... and Pickles ain't sayin boo...

Anyhow, Back to the pumpkin smashing... Do it! It must be done- and it's quite a thrill. You can even take that special someone out on a date, do some smashing, then...who knows what...? Troll napping? Oh the possibilities are endless...

Another good thing: it makes your street look like a hodge-podge of good old American anarchy. What are you? a commy or something?

Now...OFF WITH THEIR HEADS !!!

Ta-Ta,

eEvilyn D. S.

Bug Thy Neighbor (hood stores)

Do you get a thrill when you know about something first? and for once it isn't about you and your love life?

yes / no (circle one on your screen with permanent marker)

If you like the cards we carry and you frequent a local shop in your town that you consider "cool", please tell them you personally know about us. Mention our name, tell them our favorite color is black and we like beards made of bees, hiking and papermache elephant-head ashtrays.

If you score us an account and they end up selling our stuff in the store of your choosing, I'll totally back your desperate claims of knowing us- I mean...I'll put it better than that.

I'll make you seem cool and say things like,
"Oh yeah, if it wasn't for________ (fill in your name here with marker) we sure wouldn't be cool. Some say there's a ten mile radius of cool that follows________ (name w/ marker) around at all times. Lot's can't run from______'s (name w/marker) pure cool."

Anyway, go out there and bug people. Okay, so you don't have to mention us to anyone, fine. You can keep our secret as bottled up and repressed in your soul as your secret love for Tony Danza, like that won't give you cancer...

"Topic of Cancer": is cancer ever funny? I think it's funnier than Tony Danza, what do you think?

Santa Goes Urban

Greetings Friends and Foes! We thought we'd bring this blog back from the dead with the happy news that our Drunk Santa cards have weasled their boozy way into Urban Outfitters stores across the country. You'll find them passed out on tables in the Home Goods section waiting for you to buy them up and send them to your unsuspecting mailing list. You can also check him out here: http://www.eevil.org/unholiday.html

You'll also find Santa at select Newbury Comics stores in a couple weeks, along with some other new card designs our lazy butts haven't even posted to the website yet.

Speaking of the website, we begin a long-awaited major overhaul this week that will feature lots of new t-shirt and card designs-- and we'll even let you buy them! I know it's crazy talk...but it's true! Meanwhile, we promise not let this blog pass out along with Santa. Keep checking us here for daily updates on our eEvil little world....

Attack of the Show

Some of you may have noticed Attack of the Show's Chris Gore wearing our very own "Your Audition Sucked Anway" t-shirt on yesterday's program. After buying one our tees at the ArcLight Theater in Hollywood, Gore wrote to us saying, "I love your shirts. I am a big fan."

Look for him wearing other eEvil Ink t-shirts in upcoming episodes.

Attack of the Show
Tuesday Nights at 9:30pm PT/12:30ET
G4TV (VideogameTV)
http://www.g4tv.com/attackoftheshow/index.htmlwww.g4tv.com/attackoftheshow/index.html

or check out Gore's personal site http://chrisgore.com

"Your Audition Sucked Anyway," "Your Movie Sucked Anyway," and "Your Screenplay Sucked Anyway" t-shirts from eEvil Ink are available at:

ArcLight Cinemas
6360 W Sunset Blvd (between Vine and Ivar, with DeLongpre to the south) Los Angeles, CA

Or send an email to Erich [thatonecat@eevil.org] and we can hook you up with one directly.

And so it began...

In case you were wondering, (we know you weren't) we thought we'd explore the root meaning and history of the words that comprise our illustrious name "eEvil Ink Design." Yes, sometimes etymology sure beats workin' after lunch.

(e)EVIL
O.E. yfel (Kentish evel) "bad, vicious," from P.Gmc. *ubilaz (cf. O.Saxon ubil, Goth. ubils), from PIE *upelo-, giving the word an original sense of "uppity, overreaching bounds" which slowly worsened. "In OE., as in all the other early Teut. langs., exc. Scandinavian, this word is the most comprehensive adjectival expression of disapproval, dislike or disparagement" [OED]. Evil was the word the Anglo-Saxons used where we would use bad, cruel, unskillful, defective (adj.), or harm, crime, misfortune, disease. The meaning "extreme moral wickedness" was in O.E., but did not become the main sense until 18c. Evil eye (L. oculus malus) was O.E. eage yfel.

INK
"the black liquor with which men write" [Johnson], c.1250, from O.Fr. enque "dark writing fluid," from L.L. encaustum, from Gk. enkauston "purple or red ink," used by the Roman emperors to sign documents, originally a neut. adj. form of enkaustos "burned in," from stem of enkaiein "to burn in," from en- "in" + kaiein "to burn" (see caustic). The word is from a Gk. method of applying colored wax and fixing it with heat. The verb meaning "to mark or stain in ink" is from 1562. Inky "as black as ink" is attested from 1593.

DESIGN
1548, from L. designare "mark out, devise," from de- "out" + signare "to mark," from signum "a mark, sign." Originally in Eng. with the meaning now attached to designate (1646, from L. designatus, pp. of designare); many modern uses of design are metaphoric extensions. Designer (adj.) in the fashion sense of "prestigious" is first recorded 1966; designer drug is from 1983. Designing "scheming" is from 1671. Designated hitter introduced in American League baseball in 1973, soon giving wide figurative extension to designated.

So basically, we've got your "extreme moral wickedness" "marked out" in "the black liquor with which men write." So there. Don't say we never taught you nuthin'.

Notes From the eEvil Lair

So okay kiddies, just thought we'd update you on the latest here at eEvil Ink...the new website is in the works and soon enough you'll be able to order all the precious products you'd like to have for your very own. We are also deep in the creative fervor of a number of new product developments, so you'll have a lot more to pick from soon...new tees, new card collections, some very worthwhile additions to the "Un-Holiday" card line and some other really cool stuff we would tell you about if we weren't as paranoid as all villains have to be. Yes, that's right, secrecy is everything! We know they are watching, listening, trying to sneak satellite photos! That's why we keep everything locked away in the eEvil lair (or sometimes under our capes.)

Well, Alright

We've noticed lately that more and more people have been stoppin by the old eevil home page, so we thought we'd throw you a bone in case any of you had the chutzpah to visit more than once. We know it's crazy talk. And we are also pretty confident that NO ONE but us has ever read this blog. But whatever.

I think you'll ALL (ha, ha) be excited to hear that we will soon be making upgrades to our website so you can buy stuff online if you're so inclined. A few truly brave souls have been courageous enough to contact us regarding this issue, but we've yet to see one brave enough to send us a check through snail mail. So we'll get with the 21st century, even tho in many regards we prefer the 19th. Just be patient. We know it's for the greater good. You get good stuff, we get cold hard cash. And everybody's happy, right? Well, you'd better be. Cuz we sure hate dealing with the website. Always, hungry for new stuff and improvements, it's appetite is VORACIOUS...truly a BEAST. You see, we were going to throw you a bone, but it's too late now....the website must be fed....ARGHGURGLE, swallow....