NERDS. they used to be cool, what happened?

THOSE NERDS! They're affecting our movies, man. Haven't you noticed? I swear those tech-nerd-bastards swayed Lucas to the dark side of pure eye candy. Every movie you see now is a game friendly, gadget thrusting commercial for R*dio Sh*ck.

You see, nerds used to be cool when they read books and adjusted their belts and glasses interchangedly. Sure "interchangedly" is not a word- how did you know?
What is a nerd?

NERD: noun, informal: "a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious." (1950's origin unknown)

Basically, when a test was coming up, you knew where to look. This is a cliche... a 1950's - to late 1980's cliche that died around grunge when Kurt Cobain arrived on the scene. Yeah, Elvis Costello broke some barriers but Kurt really killed it.

The nerd took solace in grunge. They found that they could finally wear their granny sweaters and big glasses while stepping out of their mother's basement for Mountain Dew and Fig Newtons without fear of a wedgee. You see, they may even be confused as a popular musician themselves:

"Why yes, I am in a band...I'm also a level 10 elf, but...I also play bass.., my good lady...hmmm"

Okay, they were cool, but now....what redeeming qualities do nerds have today? The 00's nerd is a real let down. They have no attention span. They don't seem to know a whole lot about anything except things they can't explain.

The 00's nerds consume and consume and consume, much like locusts...driving markets in every boring way that glitters. Mediocracy has won the war, with video games! F*cking nerds. Why can't they stand up, sit down and read again? Go back to being nerds, please.
(jerks)
Oh, jerks are really in now...

RIDIN' THE STORM OUT. (where was Rudolf?)

And then Santa awoke from his long blank journey of large empty nowhere.

Someone pulled Santa's memory switch to the "off" position last night.
It happened around 4:00 A.M., he reckens.

It had to have been soon after a few of the elves around the bar were chanting, "CHUG-A-LUG !! CHUG-A-LUG !!"

Santa's last thoughts were, "Hmmm, Rumplemintz does taste like candy canes!"

That's when oblivian crept in to Santa's brain and wiped it clean.

Santa's mouth on this morning was like a dark little cave with a dryed up turtle-head in it.

"Why is there an REO Speedwagen song in my head?"
Santa asked to no one.

Santa couldn't explain it. Santa could only assume that he had briefly joined REO last night in spirit. Or did he drive the sleigh there?

Santa was vexed.

Santa is thinking that this morning, he's going to pee sitting down...

Santa's going to need his hands to cradle his head as he sways it in self disparage...


So, how was your Christmas Party?

buyourcardsatVIRGIN/URBANOUTFITTERS/NEWBURYCOMICS/PULLMYDAISY

AND

http://www.eevil.org

bye!

SHE'S ACTUALLY 26 YEARS OLD!

Tis the season- for office parties. The best thing you can do is sit back and watch as your comrades get wasted. Ecourage them to the copy machine...tell them the boss wants them. Whisper in their ear, "Man, you used to be cool! What happened...?"

If you've been planning on quitting, on the other hand, now is the time. Go out in style- or complete lack thereof. Try to end the night with wedgees for everyone! It may sweeten your memories as you while the time away in jail.

Tell us about your party! (xerox's okay to post)

-eEvilyn

Our Website Decor

Er..hello...we thought we would write to mention that AT LONG LAST we are finally starting to post much needed upgrades to our website. Since we prefer to move in fits and starts, we are posting each section as it is completed, rather than in one big, smooth swoop.

We find this helps us to evade our detractors and distract our enemies.

And it also makes the site seem like a confusing lot of junk to those loyalists who occasionally visit the site to show their support for our eEvil ways.

So, uh, sorry about that. The good news is you will soon be able to buy all kinds of crap that hitherto you have only dreamt of in your wildest imaginations. Depending on just how wild your imaginations are. Maybe you haven't been dreaming of cards. Maybe you're thinking about that weird dream with the monkey and Lisa Kudrow....BUT STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! We say CARDS, CARDS, CARDS!

On sale now at http://www.eevil.org/unholiday.html

HOBO CONTRIBUTIONS

Hmm, well let's see...If it weren't for the hobo, um, did they invent stew? I know they invented the handkerchief tied to a stick thing. Did they invent clowns? The early clown does invoke "hobo" does it not? I'm going to be the first to say, they invented clowns. I must admit, contempt is building inside me for the hobo as I write...

A surly breed, The Hobo. They gave us stew, red with white poke-a-dotted handkerchiefs on a stick and clowns. Yeah, I think that's about it. But, it goes without saying that they were a catalist for better locks and better fences...which they inscribed little symbols on- to help other passing hobos detect suckers, judges, "widers" (widows), church folk and so forth. Yeah, personally I'm a little mixed when it comes to hobos. I wouldn't want to meet the new generation '00's Bush era hobo. I think they have names like "Claws" & "Fist Cramin' Vern" & "Stranglin' Lonnie".

Please feel free to leave your favorite hobo name in the comment section, real or made-up or both.

P.S. The last blog entry, Tina Schlieske's CD release party, I threatened my Minneapolis friends that I would publically skewer them on this blog if they didn't go to the show.

Hence:

THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE HAVE MADE-OUT WITH HOBOS:

Bill K. made-out with known hobo: "Lou Brown Boogers"
Chris H. went to 3rd base with known hobo: "Count Crapula"
Andy A. shared passions with known hobo: "Poop Stains Willie"
Scott N. turned a trick by moonlight with known hobo: "Stink Eye Roy"
John B. rolled around with known hobo: "Goober Face Ed"
Eric H. did it with known hobo: "Hog Mouth Gil"
Page W. canoodled intamately with known hobo: "Fish Crotch Mary" (lucky)

Ta,

BuyourcardsatNewburyComicsVirginMegastoresUrbanOutfittersPullMyDaisy,

-eEvilyn Didley Scott

TINA SCHLIESKE CD RELEASE PARTY

HAS IT BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU'VE SEEN A GOOD
ROCK and or ROLL SHOW?

eEvil Ink is proud to sponsor the release of:

"Slow Burn" by Tina Schlieske
http://www.tinaschlieske.com/

Picture you going to:

TINA SCHLIESKE "Slow Burn" CD RELEASE PARTY

WHEN: SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12 - 2005
WHERE: FIRST AVENUE
DIRECTIONS: It's located...hmmm, I think on 2nd Avenue, no wait! First- it is First Avenue downtown, Minneapolis, (Minnesota) Maybe you can Mapquest it, you lazy no-good-for-nothin..

Put the word to the streets, all of them...

Also, check out this recent MPLS StarrTribune article:
http://www.startribune.com/stories/1371/5717897.html

One last thing, feel free to purchase the "Tina Tees" because they were made by us, eEvil Ink Design.

Now start saving your money, drink it tomorrow.
(me: I do both)

Chowdios!

P.S. To my friends that received the threatening email earlier, I'm not kidding!!

Hey-HEY...! Have fun everyone!

Peace, Love, Joy [and a good stiff drink]

buyourcardsatVirginandUrbanOutfittersBYE!
-eEvilyn Didley Scott

How Many Trains Will It Take??

Don't look so shocked. This is you for the next four months or so...

Sometimes we all have to make plans to go home for the holidays. We are all bound to our holday train tracks, are we not? Perhaps you need to refresh yourself with the train schedules...

* Triptofan Express - Nov. 24th
(we urge you to watch your own caboose on this day, it may mysteriously double in size)

* Magical Gift-Giving-Fatman Express - Dec. 24 & Dec. 25th
Caution: there is so much of this express, they couldn't make all the stops in 1 day. The true story for this train goes something like this: Daddy asked Mommy if he could have you over for a christmas dinner at his new house -- with his new girlfriend, Brenda, who was once his secretary. They worked it out for you. This is just the beginning of your guilty feelings for this holiday. Perhaps you should buy yourself a flask for this trip?

* Chanukuh Express - Dec 25th, this year.
This train is super long and suprisingly runs on one drop of oil, very efficient. Eight days, non-stop- this one! There is a lot of gambling going in the dreidel car. Be sure to bring plenty of chocolate coins, no one wants the other stuff. Try for "GIMEL". But, besides all the fun gambling there comes a lot of guilt. You will find that all these trains run on guilt. Again, a good flask runs about $25 to $35. (I say you splurge for the $40 dollar one)

These are only a few trains that I'm aware of...
There is another. The Festivous Express. I am on board for this one, it's a straight shooter. Invented by Frank Costanza of Queens; it starts Dec 23rd and basically involves telling everyone around the table how they've wronged you through the year and is concluded with a battle by the gleaming metal pole called "Feats of Strength".

Sounds firmiliar...

What train are you looking for??

BOO SHIT !!

That's right. How can you be mad at getting your pumpkin smashed??

Like you've never done it before... Oh, um... okay, if you have never-ever had the awsome delight of smashing pumpkins before, it's not too late! I bet your neighbor folk are somewhat hoping that someone would smash their pumpkins. Worrying half the night away in a fright, "What's wrong with us? Why did they smash everybody else's pumpkins but ours? What's wrong with us?" They'll question out loud, "Why, why, WHY??"

Would you like to see them in a sad march to the trash can, Jack-o-Lantern in hands, they let go and...thud, no smash? Do you know how that feels? It's like my dog with no nose, how does he smell? Awful.

I myself, eEvilyn Didley Scott, once had a pumpkin on my stoop for 103 executive days. It turned into goo- then was ingested by a tongue lashing like no other. The neighbors cat, Mr. Pickles, could do such things. Anyway, this had to of been back in 1909, I believe. Mr. Pickles sits upon my mantle now. He died because no one smashed my pumpkin...Is this why I am devoted to a life of eEvil?? You'll never know... and Pickles ain't sayin boo...

Anyhow, Back to the pumpkin smashing... Do it! It must be done- and it's quite a thrill. You can even take that special someone out on a date, do some smashing, then...who knows what...? Troll napping? Oh the possibilities are endless...

Another good thing: it makes your street look like a hodge-podge of good old American anarchy. What are you? a commy or something?

Now...OFF WITH THEIR HEADS !!!

Ta-Ta,

eEvilyn D. S.

Bug Thy Neighbor (hood stores)

Do you get a thrill when you know about something first? and for once it isn't about you and your love life?

yes / no (circle one on your screen with permanent marker)

If you like the cards we carry and you frequent a local shop in your town that you consider "cool", please tell them you personally know about us. Mention our name, tell them our favorite color is black and we like beards made of bees, hiking and papermache elephant-head ashtrays.

If you score us an account and they end up selling our stuff in the store of your choosing, I'll totally back your desperate claims of knowing us- I mean...I'll put it better than that.

I'll make you seem cool and say things like,
"Oh yeah, if it wasn't for________ (fill in your name here with marker) we sure wouldn't be cool. Some say there's a ten mile radius of cool that follows________ (name w/ marker) around at all times. Lot's can't run from______'s (name w/marker) pure cool."

Anyway, go out there and bug people. Okay, so you don't have to mention us to anyone, fine. You can keep our secret as bottled up and repressed in your soul as your secret love for Tony Danza, like that won't give you cancer...

"Topic of Cancer": is cancer ever funny? I think it's funnier than Tony Danza, what do you think?

Santa Goes Urban

Greetings Friends and Foes! We thought we'd bring this blog back from the dead with the happy news that our Drunk Santa cards have weasled their boozy way into Urban Outfitters stores across the country. You'll find them passed out on tables in the Home Goods section waiting for you to buy them up and send them to your unsuspecting mailing list. You can also check him out here: http://www.eevil.org/unholiday.html

You'll also find Santa at select Newbury Comics stores in a couple weeks, along with some other new card designs our lazy butts haven't even posted to the website yet.

Speaking of the website, we begin a long-awaited major overhaul this week that will feature lots of new t-shirt and card designs-- and we'll even let you buy them! I know it's crazy talk...but it's true! Meanwhile, we promise not let this blog pass out along with Santa. Keep checking us here for daily updates on our eEvil little world....

Attack of the Show

Some of you may have noticed Attack of the Show's Chris Gore wearing our very own "Your Audition Sucked Anway" t-shirt on yesterday's program. After buying one our tees at the ArcLight Theater in Hollywood, Gore wrote to us saying, "I love your shirts. I am a big fan."

Look for him wearing other eEvil Ink t-shirts in upcoming episodes.

Attack of the Show
Tuesday Nights at 9:30pm PT/12:30ET
G4TV (VideogameTV)
http://www.g4tv.com/attackoftheshow/index.htmlwww.g4tv.com/attackoftheshow/index.html

or check out Gore's personal site http://chrisgore.com

"Your Audition Sucked Anyway," "Your Movie Sucked Anyway," and "Your Screenplay Sucked Anyway" t-shirts from eEvil Ink are available at:

ArcLight Cinemas
6360 W Sunset Blvd (between Vine and Ivar, with DeLongpre to the south) Los Angeles, CA

Or send an email to Erich [thatonecat@eevil.org] and we can hook you up with one directly.

And so it began...

In case you were wondering, (we know you weren't) we thought we'd explore the root meaning and history of the words that comprise our illustrious name "eEvil Ink Design." Yes, sometimes etymology sure beats workin' after lunch.

(e)EVIL
O.E. yfel (Kentish evel) "bad, vicious," from P.Gmc. *ubilaz (cf. O.Saxon ubil, Goth. ubils), from PIE *upelo-, giving the word an original sense of "uppity, overreaching bounds" which slowly worsened. "In OE., as in all the other early Teut. langs., exc. Scandinavian, this word is the most comprehensive adjectival expression of disapproval, dislike or disparagement" [OED]. Evil was the word the Anglo-Saxons used where we would use bad, cruel, unskillful, defective (adj.), or harm, crime, misfortune, disease. The meaning "extreme moral wickedness" was in O.E., but did not become the main sense until 18c. Evil eye (L. oculus malus) was O.E. eage yfel.

INK
"the black liquor with which men write" [Johnson], c.1250, from O.Fr. enque "dark writing fluid," from L.L. encaustum, from Gk. enkauston "purple or red ink," used by the Roman emperors to sign documents, originally a neut. adj. form of enkaustos "burned in," from stem of enkaiein "to burn in," from en- "in" + kaiein "to burn" (see caustic). The word is from a Gk. method of applying colored wax and fixing it with heat. The verb meaning "to mark or stain in ink" is from 1562. Inky "as black as ink" is attested from 1593.

DESIGN
1548, from L. designare "mark out, devise," from de- "out" + signare "to mark," from signum "a mark, sign." Originally in Eng. with the meaning now attached to designate (1646, from L. designatus, pp. of designare); many modern uses of design are metaphoric extensions. Designer (adj.) in the fashion sense of "prestigious" is first recorded 1966; designer drug is from 1983. Designing "scheming" is from 1671. Designated hitter introduced in American League baseball in 1973, soon giving wide figurative extension to designated.

So basically, we've got your "extreme moral wickedness" "marked out" in "the black liquor with which men write." So there. Don't say we never taught you nuthin'.

Notes From the eEvil Lair

So okay kiddies, just thought we'd update you on the latest here at eEvil Ink...the new website is in the works and soon enough you'll be able to order all the precious products you'd like to have for your very own. We are also deep in the creative fervor of a number of new product developments, so you'll have a lot more to pick from soon...new tees, new card collections, some very worthwhile additions to the "Un-Holiday" card line and some other really cool stuff we would tell you about if we weren't as paranoid as all villains have to be. Yes, that's right, secrecy is everything! We know they are watching, listening, trying to sneak satellite photos! That's why we keep everything locked away in the eEvil lair (or sometimes under our capes.)

Well, Alright

We've noticed lately that more and more people have been stoppin by the old eevil home page, so we thought we'd throw you a bone in case any of you had the chutzpah to visit more than once. We know it's crazy talk. And we are also pretty confident that NO ONE but us has ever read this blog. But whatever.

I think you'll ALL (ha, ha) be excited to hear that we will soon be making upgrades to our website so you can buy stuff online if you're so inclined. A few truly brave souls have been courageous enough to contact us regarding this issue, but we've yet to see one brave enough to send us a check through snail mail. So we'll get with the 21st century, even tho in many regards we prefer the 19th. Just be patient. We know it's for the greater good. You get good stuff, we get cold hard cash. And everybody's happy, right? Well, you'd better be. Cuz we sure hate dealing with the website. Always, hungry for new stuff and improvements, it's appetite is VORACIOUS...truly a BEAST. You see, we were going to throw you a bone, but it's too late now....the website must be fed....ARGHGURGLE, swallow....

Penny Dreadfuls AKA Vinegar Valentines

hey...we all know there is nothing completely new left under the sun...but to those of you who think some of our cards are ill-tempered, we would just like to say we are simply upholding tradition. Way back in th 1800s insulting cards had their place in the world and we intend to help them reclaim their rightful throne and due respect! Long live the Penny Dreadful!

Penny Dreadfuls also known as Vinegar Valentines

A new type of Valentine's Day Card that was not full of love and adoration appeared in 1858. They were known as Vinegar Valentine's or Penny Dreadfuls. They were exactly that, 1¢. For the most part they were made from very inexpensive paper and poorly printed.They were not beautiful, ornate or romantic, quite the opposite. The artwork was uncomplicated, the colors were simple and they were filled with verses of humorous and rhyming insults, insulting everyone and anyone, teachers, spinsters, friends and other lovelorn individuals. Most often they were sent anonymously to people who were not liked. To make it even worse, in the 1800's the receiver was the person who paid for the postage, so these poor individuals paid to be insulted! Even a few of the prominent printers such as Raphael Tuck began printing insult Valentine's. They were popular for years and were sent up until the mid 1900's. --emotionscards.com

A few Vinegar Valentine examples:

"A monkey in a jungle, Is looking for his face, That someone must have wished on you, And gave him yours in place."

"'You never have a steady job, You're always out of work; Your energy is all used up In finding ways to shirk."

"From girls of these fast modern days A little boldness we expect, And when within due bounds it's kept Not every one will object; But o'er all bounds you go so far With your loud ways and saucy face, We simply feel disgust and scorn To see such lack of womanly grace."

At long Last...

Alright, we know it' s been a long time since we've posted anything to this blog, but we've like, been doing stuff. Got all our goods on the shelves at the Arclight, and all you Los Angeles area movie-goers have been telling us you think that's great. Well, thanks. We're happy about it, too.

But now we're ready to conquer the nation. That's right. THE NATION. The US of A. America. Land of the free. Home of the brave. Oh beautiful for spacious.....Virgin Mega stores. That's right. Virgin Mega stores. As of today, we're shipping out our latest break-up cards and hook-up cards to stores in LA, New York, Chicago, Boston, New Orleans, Miami, Orlando and more. So if you ever liked us, all we've got to say is get off your a** and go buy some cards. And thanks very much.

Your Screenplay Sucked Anyway

Here in Los Angeles, a town where everyone is trying to get in with the industry, you gotta say it like it is.

Now on the racks at Arclight Cinema's gift shop, eEvil Ink "Your Screenplay Sucked Anyway" tees are the ONLY thing you should wear to the wrap party for that low-budget excuse for filmmaking you just spent two weeks of your life hustling over without respectible craft-services.

Soon to join their "Screenplay Sucked" brethren ~ "Your Movie Sucked Anyway" and "Your Audition Sucked Anyway" will be on the shelves later this week. Also soon-to-be available at the Arclight, an assortment of our lovely break-up cards.

Arclight Cinemas
6360 W Sunset Blvd (between Vine and Ivar, with DeLongpre to the south) Los Angeles, CA
T: 323-464-1478
http://www.arclightcinemas.com/

The History of the Top Hat

From renowned fashion historian John Berendt:

[The] "top hat caused a riot the first time it was seen in London. The perpetrator was a haberdasher name John Hetherington, who designed it, made it and was the first person to wear it into the street. According to a contemporary newspaper account, passersby panicked at the sight.

Several women fainted, children screamed, dogs yelped, and an errand boy’s arm was broken when he was trampled by the mob.

Hetherington was hauled into court for wearing 'a tall structure having a shining luster calculated to frighten timid people.'

It was much ado about nothing, really; Hetherington had merely concocted a silk-covered variation of the contemporary riding hat, which had a wider brim, a lower crown, and was made of beaver. There was initial resistance to Hetherington’s silk topper from those who wanted to continue wearing beaver hats. But in 1850 Prince Albert started wearing top hats made of "hatter’s plush" (a fine silk shag), and that effectively settled the questions; coincidentally it also all but wiped out the beaver-trapping industry in America. "

And we say, if that's not eEvil, what the hell is?

Advantages of the Cape

In a world filled with jackets, coats, and even so-called hoodies, the cape has long been ignored as a choice for keeping off the cold and stepping out in style.

Imagine the entrance you would make at your favorite watering hole if you gave up your trite hipster jacket and exchanged it for a long black cape (hood optional). We believe you would find yourself to be the instant (and profoundly gratified) talk of the joint.

While the fashion-forwardness of the cape is an important consideration, we would also like to point out that the cape also has certain, er, eEvil advantages to other outerwear.

Number one: It's almost impossible for anyone to know what you have under that thing. It is ideal for masking an uncomely handbag or man-bag, a variety of salty snacks, and any other items you might find helpful in making your night (or day) a success, including but not limited to: important business documents, a change of attire, cigarettes, your coin purse, rope, and small furry mammals.

Number two: In addition to masking things, the cape also masks less than flattering aspects of you. Have you recently found that your stomach, behind, or the unwholesome growth on your right arm have started to expand? We say, why waste your time on exercise or ointments, when you can simply hide away your unseemly parts beneath a cape!

Recommended cape accessories include stove-pipe hats, elaborately waxed moustaches, and eEvil Ink t-shirts. A certain amount of chest hair and chutzpah is also suggested.

Cultivating Your Stink Eye

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the concept of the evil eye it is "the name for a sickness transmitted by someone who is envious, jealous, or covetous. It is also called the invidious eye and the envious eye...The evil eye belief is that a person -- otherwise not malific in any way -- can harm you, your children, your livestock, or your fruit trees, by looking at them..."
--luckymojo.com

Here at eEvil Ink, we prefer the term "stink eye" to "evil eye." This variation on the term encompasses a greater range of the senses, implying that the eye not only looks foul, but contains a pungent smell.

And we work constantly to cultivate our stink eye powers! Of course, we ourselves are immune to the stink eye, since we stink eye each other back and forth to the point where we can simply laugh it off or, occasionlly, engage in a stink eye battle, wherein the curse to be transmitted gets caught in the middle of our locked stinky gazes and falls helplessly to the floor.

Still, we find our skills quite helpful in the face of slow-witted cashiers, most Los Angeles-area motor vehicle drivers, and certain round-bellied neighbors. Should you wish to cultivate your own stink eye powers, we recommend the following regimen:

1. While having dinner with friends, transporting yourself on a bus or train, or at the office, close your eyes and then open them as suddenly and widely as possible.

2. Direct your gaze towards your target.

3. Gradually, squint one eye while arching the brow of the other. (Note: you will soon learn whether you're a righty or a lefty.)

4. While it is not strictly necessary, and certainly not for amatuers, a sneer or curl of the lip adds an extra urgency to the stench of your stink eye.

5. With the remaining fully opened eye (the one under the arched brow) unblinkingly stare at the object of your curse with as much hatred and and anger as you can muster. Draw from your childhood or teenage experiences if necessary.

6. Sustain as long as possible.

7. If you do not find instant results, never fear! We are quite sure your victim will remember your stinky gaze.

In the meantime, and we cannot emphasize this enough, practice, practice, practice! Soon, it will become a natural reflex, like breathing or tying your victims to railroad tracks.

Please note: DO NOT practice this in the mirror, unless you can duck with extraordinary speed and agility. It is possible you will become the victim of your own stench.

And truly, it is foul.

If for some reason you are unable to perfect your stink eye technique, may we also reccomend choosing one of our break-up cards for your victim? We believe you will find that giving someone a card that reads "later f*cker" or "your band sucked anyway" will also achieve the desired effect.

Vacationing for the Masses

Even villains long for a bit of a get-away now and again, riding the rails to their secret lairs; sunning themselves casually by the pool with a mai tai, sorting out their plots for world domination, reading absurdly long New Yorker articles; snorkeling from time to time.

Apparently, though, the rest of the world prefers to travel en masse, all going to the same destinations. According to the American Society of Travel Agents, for the socially, er, challenged, the North American places to avoid are as follows:

Top 5 Destinations For Skiing:

1. Vail.
2. Whistler, B.C.
3. Park City.
4. Salt Lake City.
5. Jackson Hole

Top 5 Destinations For Shopping:

1. New York City
2. Chicago
3. Locally
4. Las Vegas
5. Mall of America/Minneapolis (If you happen to be in Minnesota, you should also take the time to have a tacone at Cone Eddie's Cone Shack. You won't be disappointed.)

Top 15 Winter Vacation Destinations:

With Kids:

1. Orlando
2. Disney : Disney general
3. Disney World
4. Disney Land

Couples Under 40:

1. Cancun
2. Caribbean
3. Mexico
4. Hawaii
5. Las Vegas

Couples Over 60:

1. Cruises
2. Hawaii
3. Florida
4. Las Vegas
5. Caribbean

SLU (so, like, um) we won't be seeing you there...

Joining the eEvil Empire

It may surprise some of you to learn that, here at eEvil Ink, we actually do more than sit around and come up with funny cards and crack ourselves up. Yes, there are days like that, but plenty of other days where we have to go around acting like we run a business. Today, we decided we'd finally get our UPC sh*t together. Not that big of a deal really, just a little investment in time and money. The kicker is how much information those little monsters hold and how much they mean to the outside world.

For those of you who don't know your barcodes from your neighborhood bars, a bit of a primer:

UPC stands for universal product code. After you cough up your bucks, you're assigned a manufacturer number, so all the world knows who the hell made that thing you're holding. That's just the first six digits. The next six digits describe what the hell that thing you're holding is.

Now if people were barcoded, we'd all have our parents' manufacturers numbers, as well as a series of six digits that described the key elements about us--we could go around scanning each other and there would be no more mystery in the world. You would never have to say, what the f*ck is wrong with that guy? It'd be written all over his face.

And of course, you'd also know how many of him have been sold and whether or not you should re-order. If he is an eEvil Ink product, the answer of course is, yes, you should re-order and damn it, buy twice as many this time.

Speaking of Villainy...

Reposted from www.anitaroddick.com, our favorite catch of the day in the sea of the "internets"....

DISPATCH: Genetically Modified Mesopotamia Posted on February 8, 2005 by Anita Roddick

Welcome to the new millennium, Iraq. Now, like farmers in many other developing nations, Iraqi farmers are no longer allowed to keep the seeds from their crops, even if those strains of seeds have been in their families and communities for centuries. No, now farmers will have to buy their seeds from massive megaconglomerates like Monsanto. It's all part of the new economic plan for the country from its liberators in Washington, DC and London. Like farmers elsewhere in the world, Iraqis will be forced to buy seeds from Monsanto or AstraZeneca which have been genetically modified to resist pests and weeds. Of course, they also require special chemicals and fertilizers, which are also only available from those companies. The result is the virtual enslavement of Iraqi farmers to Western corporations. And it's just plain wrong. This is profiteering on the backs of a people who did not ask for this. What kind of "freedom" are we spreading when it comes with the price of livelihood and tradition?

Read more about Anita Roddick, founder of the Body Shop, real live British "Dame", and activist here.

eEvilyn Diddley Scott, I Presume

In case you've yet to do your reading up on the biography and habits of the mysterious stovepipe-hatted man on the back of our cards & t-shirts, may we introduce eEvilyn Diddley Scott? We also suggest learning the strange and wonderful history of his pants.

If that's not enough villainy for you, consider these thoughtful thoughts on the subject:

"An excellent man, like precious metal, is in every way invariable; A villain, like the beams of a balance, is always varying, upwards and downwards, himself his own dungeon. "
-Saskya Pandita, 1182-1251, Tibetan Grand Lama of Saskya

"As there is a use in medicine for poisons, so the world cannot move without rogues."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803-1882, American Poet, Essayist

"As for an authentic villain, the real thing, the absolute, the artist, one rarely meets him even once in a lifetime. The ordinary bad hat is always in part a decent fellow. "
--Sidonie Gabrielle Colette, 1873-1954, French Author

More Good Stuff Than You Can Shake a Stick At

It has been, er, pointed out that if we are to discuss the cool stuff SOME of the people we know are doing [see indieIN below], it follows that we really should discuss the cool habits and so forth of ALL the people we know [at least as long as we can link to it.]

SLU [so, like, um], shall we begin?

In case anyone reading this doesn't know, eEvil Ink's very own Erich Schlieske is not the only Schlieske.
With that in mind.....

TODAY'S FEATURED SCHLIESKE IS........TINA!

Not to be missed live, Tina is just one of Erich's rock star sisters. Check her out at upcoming dates at SXSW and in Los Angeles.

3/19/2005
SXSW-Utne Reader Showcase at the Fox and HoundAustin, TX
4/2/2005
The Hotel Cafe - The Fallen Sisters of MercyLos Angeles, CA
5/7/2005
The Hotel Cafe - The Fallen Sisters of MercyLos Angeles, CA

Or listen to her stuff and get the whole story at www.tinabsides.com

............................................................

Moving on, we also think that anyone out there with a libido (read: adult human beings) should check out www.cocodemerusa.com. It's a little muy caliente for the office, so you may wish to wait till you get home to do your shopping for lingerie and other boudoir, er, accoutrements. But no one should miss an opportunity to visit the "world's most luxurious erotic emporium."

And, by the way, it's really a beautiful website...the best we've seen, well, since ours (www.eevil.org)! No really, it's much nicer...

Ok...I think that should keep you all busy for a while...

And The Award for Best Email Fwd of the Week

goes to Justine, for this updated twist on a classic lightbulb joke:

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its condition is improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are illusional spin from the liberal media. Illuminating rooms is hard work. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effort. Why do you hate freedom?

Introducing indieIN!

For those of you who have cleverly jumped on the indie film bandwagon, we'd like to introduce our new pal www.indieIN.com.

The brain child of our good friend (and talented writer) Michelle Bryant, indieIN.com puts moviephone and friendster in a blender to satisfy ALL your indie urges. The goal of indieIN is to help create an audience for independent film that extends beyond the typical urban areas.

Writes indieIN, [We] "refuse to believe that people who live on the coasts of the country are the only ones interested in seeing, learning and experiencing independent film."

So check it out. There are also some really cool banner ads from eEvil Ink on the site. Or well, we like them anway.

Rise and Shine Pix

Alright already, here are some pix from the Rise and Shine Show, including making our monster break-up card for Mr. Bush:





And some of our great new T-shirts: [www.eevil.org/t_shirts.html to see more]



And, at last, the event itself:


"Erich engages in exciting political debate."
[Rise and Shine T-shirts as pictured above on sale at www.eevil.org/t_shirts.html]




"Our t-shirts lay in wait; ready to strike at any moment."

eEvil Ink Tees and Cards At Pull My Daisy

eEvil Ink Tees and cards are now available at Pull My Daisy in Silverlake.

They've got a mix of good stuff including "Your Band Sucked Anyway," "Non-Committal, "and "The 80s are Back...Politically" tees, as well as break-up cards and (for those more romantically inclined) our brand spankin' new line of hook-up cards, red-hot and in time for the upcoming V-Day holiday.

Pull My Daisy
Open from noon to 7pm daily.
3908 Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90029-2242
T: 323 663 0608

Thanks To Y'All

Thanks to all the artists and others who helped make Rise and Shine : The Counter Inaugural Ball a success.

We had a great turn out, and would particularly like to thank all those who came to set-up and break-down the show, DJ Goodfoot for keeping the night moving, Lizi Ederi and Haziza Santa Monica for hosting the show, Aimee Hyatt for helping to get the word out, and all those who contributed to Direct Relief International's Tsunami Reflief Fund.

If you missed the show, but happen to be in Santa Monica, be sure to stop by and check out work that is still on display from Daphne Khoury and Jay Whitcomb, as well as fabulous (if we do say so ourselves) hand-printed T-shirts from eEvil Ink.

Rise and Shine To Contribute to Tsunami Relief Rund

It's Official!

The Counter Inaugural Ball will take place Saturday, January 15th, 2005, beginning at 6pm at Haziza Santa Monica, 1311a Montana Avenue, Santa Monica, CA 90403.

In lieu of a cover charge, we will be accepting donations for Direct Relief International's Tsunami Relief Fund. A southern California based non-profit organization, Direct Relief International has pledged that donations for tsunami relief will be used only for that purpose and not to cover administrative costs or other efforts.

For more information, please visit: http://www.directrelief.org


So donate what you can...and get ready for a night of art, live music, spoken word and more. (Plus complimentary refreshments...and yes, that includes booze). As of today, the line-up for the Counter Inaugural Ball includes:

Artists
Daphne Khoury
Jay Whitcomb
Bob Anthony
Sayoko

Photographers
Rebecca Wachtel
Oscar Jimenez
and others

Interactive art by
Sonik Mercury

Live music by
Shawn Pander
Jason Luckett
Tina Schlieske
Infrared Sunday

Spoken word and poetry by
Abraham Delacy
Emjay Olson
Michelle Bryant
and others

Also Featuring
DJ Goodfoot

And some smart ass stuff from
eEvil Ink Design

Rise and Shine is a group artists show that bridges the gap and unites all styles of art and expression. To learn more, read below...